Terrence + Belinda | Wedding Highlight | Atlanta, Georgia from Adam Siegel on Vimeo.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Food for thought Thursday!
Real Talk: Are You Willing to Date a Non-Black Man?
This morning I was supposed to do an interview about interracial dating for the Wall Street Journal’s site, WSJ.com. The goal was to sit down with Ralph Richard Banks, a Stanford law professor and the author of the very controversial book, “Is Marriage for White People?” which says it’s in Black women’s best interest to give non-Black men a shot.
Stay with me.
An unexpected issue made it necessary for the news site to reschedule this morning, which may be for the best. Trust, I know you're tired of hearing about single Black women and the implications of what they need to “fix” in order to become married Black women. But before you click the “X” at the top of the screen, I ask you to hear me out… once again.
I have issues with Banks' outlook, as I made clear in a previous Real Talk post. But I do agree with his overall premise that’s it’s time Black women considered the other options we have when it comes to dating and relationships, i.e., dating non-Black men.
You still with me?
This isn’t about dogging out Black men. If you’ve read my work, you’ll know that I think there are “good” Black men aplenty. I select one to be featured in each issue of ESSENCE and I find a bevy of them for the annual Do Right Men issue every August. I meet them nightly as I scour the city streets of New York, and other cities too, and narrow the prospects down to offer up to you, email addresses included. I’ve dated several, and I have one to call my own.
My outlook also isn’t about placing non-Black men on a pedestal. Men are men, some will do you dirty. Some won’t.
What this is about is suggesting to you that you expand your options to include men, of any color, who will treat you in the manner that you find acceptable, whether they share your skin color, or your culture, or not. Dating is a numbers game. And if you are single and don’t want to be, it makes sense to tip the odds in your favor by expanding your palette.
One of my very good friends is married to a non-Black man. Before I knew that, I loved the way her eyes lit up when she told me how they’d met at a bar on Canal Street, found they had everything in common, and from that first conversation, they had spoken every day since.
When I finally met him, I was surprised to find he wasn’t Black. Honestly? “She got a white boy?” was my first thought. But as I watched the way he looked at her like she was the only woman in the room, his race became a non-factor. I wanted a man to look at me that way -- the New York wind chill was a little warmer, like the ‘I can barely make ‘em out here’ stars in this city were a little brighter, like my kisses were a little sweeter, too. I wanted that feeling of being looked at with love -- and not just from my Daddy.
Maybe that feeling would come with a Black man. Maybe not.
If I feel that way, does his race matter?
Should it?
No.
Demetria L. Lucas is the Relationships Editor at ESSENCE and the author of "A Belle in Brooklyn: Your Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life” (Atria) in stores now. Ask her your dating and relationship questions on Formspring.me/abelleinbk
This morning I was supposed to do an interview about interracial dating for the Wall Street Journal’s site, WSJ.com. The goal was to sit down with Ralph Richard Banks, a Stanford law professor and the author of the very controversial book, “Is Marriage for White People?” which says it’s in Black women’s best interest to give non-Black men a shot.
Stay with me.
An unexpected issue made it necessary for the news site to reschedule this morning, which may be for the best. Trust, I know you're tired of hearing about single Black women and the implications of what they need to “fix” in order to become married Black women. But before you click the “X” at the top of the screen, I ask you to hear me out… once again.
I have issues with Banks' outlook, as I made clear in a previous Real Talk post. But I do agree with his overall premise that’s it’s time Black women considered the other options we have when it comes to dating and relationships, i.e., dating non-Black men.
You still with me?
This isn’t about dogging out Black men. If you’ve read my work, you’ll know that I think there are “good” Black men aplenty. I select one to be featured in each issue of ESSENCE and I find a bevy of them for the annual Do Right Men issue every August. I meet them nightly as I scour the city streets of New York, and other cities too, and narrow the prospects down to offer up to you, email addresses included. I’ve dated several, and I have one to call my own.
My outlook also isn’t about placing non-Black men on a pedestal. Men are men, some will do you dirty. Some won’t.
What this is about is suggesting to you that you expand your options to include men, of any color, who will treat you in the manner that you find acceptable, whether they share your skin color, or your culture, or not. Dating is a numbers game. And if you are single and don’t want to be, it makes sense to tip the odds in your favor by expanding your palette.
One of my very good friends is married to a non-Black man. Before I knew that, I loved the way her eyes lit up when she told me how they’d met at a bar on Canal Street, found they had everything in common, and from that first conversation, they had spoken every day since.
When I finally met him, I was surprised to find he wasn’t Black. Honestly? “She got a white boy?” was my first thought. But as I watched the way he looked at her like she was the only woman in the room, his race became a non-factor. I wanted a man to look at me that way -- the New York wind chill was a little warmer, like the ‘I can barely make ‘em out here’ stars in this city were a little brighter, like my kisses were a little sweeter, too. I wanted that feeling of being looked at with love -- and not just from my Daddy.
Maybe that feeling would come with a Black man. Maybe not.
If I feel that way, does his race matter?
Should it?
No.
Demetria L. Lucas is the Relationships Editor at ESSENCE and the author of "A Belle in Brooklyn: Your Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life” (Atria) in stores now. Ask her your dating and relationship questions on Formspring.me/abelleinbk
Friday, September 23, 2011
Fashion Friday
Love the colors and how the ladies put it all together! each with their own take on things!!
Studio Ideas
Watching this clip of the WWS and it gave me a few ideas of how i want my studio 2 look! who says only little girls like PINK!!!!:))
Thursday, September 22, 2011
So many parts
Wow!! can't say how much i love this song!!been rocking it ever since i heard it on youtube! you know when you find a good song that just speaks toa space that you are in and this song just puts it in the way I feel!! just a great song to bob yo head 2 while you are creating,cleaning or just having a good day!! and this gurl can sho nuff SANG!!!!!!:))
and the video is off the wall with the visuals!! Adore the colors etc! i could keep on Lol!! hope u like
and the video is off the wall with the visuals!! Adore the colors etc! i could keep on Lol!! hope u like
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Thank you! Todd Beamer
Thank you Todd Beamer and the rest of you who laid down your life that day !When you chose to board that fateful day you did not know that it would be the day you were all to be wriitten down in history as Heros!! May God Bless you all for what you did that day!!
Never Forget!!
We will never forget the lives that were taken on this day!! We pray for them each and everyday.it makes us all mindful of the sacrifice of those who gave of themselves knowing the cost and the price they would have to pay! No greater love!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
movie night
Just watched one of my favorite classic films with my dad. I don't recall seeing many films like this growing up
